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Post by thedemon on Apr 13, 2006 3:29:23 GMT -5
might be the most unnoticable punch line of all time. Anyway, my joke is:
Why do they put a cock (AKA a chicken) on a weather vane?
highlight for answer
Cos if they had a cunt the wind would blow through.
LOL!
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Post by superbeast on Apr 13, 2006 17:03:27 GMT -5
It may be they fact that i'm addicted to them and sex but they do fucking rock!, so does that joke, come on ladies, it's all in good fun.
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Post by superbeast on Apr 13, 2006 17:09:05 GMT -5
Here's one for ya:
"That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar.
"How do you know?" the friend asked.
"She didn't come home last night and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she had spent the night with her sister, Shirley."
"So?"
"So she's a liar… I spent the night with her sister Shirley."
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Post by thedemon on Apr 13, 2006 17:10:00 GMT -5
HAHAHAHAHA!
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Post by horror4ever on Apr 16, 2006 20:02:47 GMT -5
Bizarre Sex Laws
1. Most Middle Eastern countries recognize the following Islamic law: "After having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a mortal sin to eat its flesh."
2. In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
3. In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is forbidden from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
4. Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
5. The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
6. There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
7. In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. (The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.)
8. In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
9. In Santa Cruz, Bolivia it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
10. In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for on the premises."
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Post by thedemon on Apr 17, 2006 1:45:34 GMT -5
well I am never masturbating in Indonesia! Also, I wanna apply for that job in Guam! LOL!
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TxDeadGuy
Maniac
High Plains Drifter from Hell
Velox Mortis
Posts: 821
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Post by TxDeadGuy on Apr 17, 2006 20:39:58 GMT -5
4. Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
A BRICK!?!
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Post by thedemon on Apr 17, 2006 20:44:53 GMT -5
anyone tries to put a brick on my prick aka my dick or if his name is Rick I'm gonna hit him with a stick and give him 40 licks cos he must be mentally sick for pulling that trick. LOL. I dunno why I put that.
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Post by superbeast on Apr 19, 2006 15:03:29 GMT -5
lmao!!, that was pretty funny demon, did you just make that up?
Here's another one:
As an old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Highway 280. Please be careful!"
"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
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Post by thedemon on Apr 19, 2006 18:37:01 GMT -5
I made it up man,. cos I was bored... I don't listen to rap or anything I just posted it. LOL. BTW, regarding, LOLFUCKINGLOLLMAOLMFAOROFLMAOLOLLLLLLLOOOOOLLLLL!!!!
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Post by superbeast on Apr 20, 2006 22:20:14 GMT -5
Wow, that's one hell of an abbreviated laugh man.
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Post by snaggletooth on May 12, 2006 4:36:34 GMT -5
A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer’s personality on what drinks they ordered?
Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.
The results:
If Women Drink ...
Beer
Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrella
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.
Mixed drinks - no umbrellas e.g.; Gin and tonic / Scotch and soda
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants
Approach: If she wants you, she’ll send YOU a drink.
Water
Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach: Don’t.
Wine - (bottled, not 4 litre cask)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.
Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, Mudshake etc.
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you’re in.
Cape Velvet
Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.
Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Aftershock etc.)
Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk...and naked.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait.......
IF MEN DRINK... (As always, very simple and clear cut.)
Cider
He’s probably under-aged and wants to get laid.
Cheap Domestic Beer
He’s poor / student and wants to get laid.
Castle Lager Beer
He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Imported Beer
He’s old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Guinness
The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.
Water
He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid
Wine
He’s hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.
Vodka or Brandy
Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.
Port
Thinks he’s sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.
Whisky
He doesn’t give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.
Jack Daniels
Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.
Rum or Tequila
Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.
Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc
He’s gay (blatantly) - don’t turn your back or pick up any dropped change.
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TxDeadGuy
Maniac
High Plains Drifter from Hell
Velox Mortis
Posts: 821
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Post by TxDeadGuy on May 12, 2006 10:59:00 GMT -5
Whisky
He doesn’t give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.
Well, that fairly well explains a lot... Along with the rum
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Post by ÞHª₪†øM™ on May 14, 2006 11:06:53 GMT -5
Sex is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
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Post by horror4ever on May 16, 2006 15:49:23 GMT -5
OMG LOL! That was a good one!  |
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